feeling fucked cause i don't know wtf my dad did and now all the pictures that were was once stored on my computer have all been deleted. distant memories of good and bad just fucking destroyed like that - this sucks, i'm blank now.

fuck i cant train cause ive injured my joint and my elbow but my fight's coming. this is a not a nice day. feeling more cynical as it gets - i tend to see people solely motivated by their own selfish concerns, and it makes me sick and tired. i don't know what's wrong with me? am i reflecting upon a fact of human nature or am i just too damn strung out right now. i wonder if people actually socialize for the benefit of their partners or just for their own comfort and when there's nothing left to talk about everyone just fucks off from that person. Like a soft toy you are, hugged for awhile and once bored of; is being ridded because it takes no significant value nor fond appreciation in your heart. Materials come temporary - that i understand but if friendship shares that same ideal then i think society is really screwed.

Can we just have some love for one another - one's that unconditional? Must everything come in returns - whether emotional or materialistic. Fuck love is being ridiculed and reduced. Irony, isn't it? Maybe in that sense we ought to have some conservatism instead of liberalism as we're all being socially engineered in this capitalist system. Maybe monarchy should have remained so that as peasants we could have at least be happier together in suffering rather than prosperous but living the fucking rat race of self-achivement determined by materialistic means in a 21st century. The world as it is of today - i would like to think otherwise, would you share your perspective with me?

Tell me if i am wrong, anyway i need a break. i am going to order the invisible children dvd with my dad's credit card now. i need to regain composure. its just not a nice day.

In any scenario, thank you Jesus. You bring light to my day- going to Novena lets me know that i'm not alone and i should carry my cross up with me in this season of Lent.

Serviam, Lord.